It’s definitely hard to disentangle your two selves; the person you are most of the time and the person you are with yourself. Some of us have many more than two selves (myself included).
Today, I felt like it was the first time that I seriously considered that I might need to “surrender” this particular self, like it was time to find a new challenge and become a different kind of person. Nothing so drastic as it sounds but, for someone like me that can take a while to make a decision, it felt like an earthquake. Even if I don’t get my act together for a while that seed has been planted and is busily growing its flora-y little ass off down there in the cellar of my mind. Whispering its little snippets of dissention from the darkness and damp. Yes, I imagine my mind to be dark and wet and a little more than moderately unpleasant – to the visitor, at least. To myself, I would hope it would feel like home. Is this so bizarre? I feel like it isn’t.
As for this change, what would it bring? Is the easiest option the best? Is that really going to give me the opportunity to see what I could “become”? Am I really speaking in riddles that allude to a metamorphosis akin to that of the caterpillar and butterfly?
Is this what it’s come to at 10.30pm on a Tuesday night? This is definitely too vague and too late for someone that’s got a personal training session in the morning. To bed with me!
Fact: In Jamaica, they have these giant moths they call ‘duppy bats’ or, literally, ‘ghost bats’. They’re HUGE and I remember the first time one flew in my bedroom, I screamed. I’d never seen anything like it. It was all black and grey and, if you manage to hit them, they drop fine grey/black powder everywhere.