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Photo 8-10-2014 6 45 07 pm

What attracts you to people? I’d been wondering about this for a little while then this photo flashed up on Facebook and it hit me… I’m attracted to people who speak with passion about what they do, people who are knowledgeable and confident in their chosen field/area of expertise.

You can hear it in their voice and see it in their eyes and sometimes (as is the case with my long term partner) you can’t get them to shut up about it! I jest but there’s much truth in the statement.

In my job, I often find myself interviewing people at the top of their field, people who know their industry back to front and can talk about it with passion and excitement. It’s often what they’ve been doing their whole life. And yes, of course looks do play a role, but that passion, that shimmering intelligence is what catches my eye.

A few months ago, I happened upon a Tedx talk about the secret to desire in a long term relationship (I’ve included the video below). In the talk, the presenter asks ‘when are you most drawn to your partner?’ After extensive research, the answers that cropped up most frequently were

  1. When they’re away, when you reunite
  2. When there’s something novel about them – when they make you laugh, when they’re wearing something different/new
  3. When they’re in their element, doing something they’re passionate about, holding court at a party.

Now, guess which one I identified with? Yep, definitely number three. I’m often most drawn to my partner when I look across the bar and see him serving a group of happy patrons, laughing and joking (yes, women too, who knows maybe I like it more when they’re women ;)). Yes, sometimes (ok, more than sometimes) it aggravates me when we talk about his work non-stop but, in general, I envy his passion, his ambition, his decisiveness about what he wants to do with his life.

So, the plot thickens. I got him to watch the video as well but his answer left me somewhat disappointed. He said option 1 – when I’m away. To me, this seems sad. Like you don’t love or appreciate the person when they’re there. Now, he managed to explain it in a way that made it sound a bit nicer than this but, still, it plagues me from time to time.

Common sense tells me you can’t interrogate or change the way a person experiences love or desire. It’s different for everyone and there’s no wrong way to go about it (unless someone’s getting hurt). Watch the video and tell me what you think. What type of love do you identify with? Would you be upset or hurt if your partner said they were most drawn to you when you were away?