It’s the first of December and NaBloPoMo is officially over. I made it! I’m so proud of me as committing to a post a day while travelling through the Caribbean was probably not one of my wiser choices. Oh well, it was fun and it’s over now.
Today, my sister began the long journey back to Sydney. My partner and I have two more days in Jamaica and then five nights in Miami. As it was our first day alone together in about 3 weeks, we didn’t do much except soak up the sun, swim, read our books and go in search of food. It was the first day of real relaxation with absolutely nothing to do that we didn’t want to.
Little hermit crab my partner found
The garden walkway to our room
The walkway back out to where we sunbaked
The bridge across to our sunny spot
With so much time on my hands, I found myself pondering the resumption of real life that is to occur as of next week Thursday, when we get back to Australia. If you’d spoken to me last week, I would’ve said I was freaking out a bit. Being unemployed is something I’ve only ever experienced once (and very briefly at that) and, as someone that treasures stability and certainty (as much as is possible in this world), not having a full time job to go back to was quite scary. But now I’m more optimistic.
I’ve been feeling like this is my chance to decide what I want to do. To find a job I love and am passionate about, as I once was for my old job. At thirty-one, I sometimes feel like I should know what I want to do by now. When I get upset with myself for being so indecisive and aimless, I remind myself that life isn’t crystal cut for everybody. Some of us don’t have an obvious calling that grabs us by the balls early on. We have to drift around to find what we want.
Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, I suppose two aimless souls trying to live the good life would be tough), I have a partner who knows exactly what he wants to do and is currently on track to achieve his goals. So sometimes it frustrates me that I can’t be as driven or certain about what I want. Who knows, maybe my uncertainty frustrates him too? 🙂 I hope not.
For me, I know I need to be doing something that challenges me and makes me feel like I’m growing and learning. I was very good at my old job but I felt like I was stagnating. I knew it back to front and every day started to feel like Ground Hog Day. I can’t just cruise, no matter what I’m getting paid. I had to get out of there. And so I did.
Now I’m going back to a very different life. I have to decide if I want to take another study period off or go to part time or stay at full time. I have to figure out what the hell I want to do. And do I want to do whatever that is full time or part time? I’m not one for decisions, as you may have noticed if you’ve been reading for awhile.
So… There’s a crapload of uncertainty waiting for me at home. However, quite uncharacteristically for me, I’m excited about it. I’m ready for it. I want to see what happens, see where the new year takes me.