Every year after my birthday has rushed past, I feel a little bit down. Maybe it’s because I always get so ridiculously excited about it and then – woosh! – it’s gone and I’ve got a whole year to wait for the next one. It’s not so much that it’s disappointing or doesn’t live up to the hype and more that another year has gone by and I start to contemplate what I’ve accomplished (or haven’t accomplished, as the case may be). This year is particularly… uhhhhh… thought provoking, shall we say.
For the first time in a looooong time, I’m technically unemployed. Yes, I have a part-time job. I even enjoy this part-time job 99% of the time. But it’s not what I want to be doing long-term. It’s kind of my interim job while I finish my studies and try to find what I want to do next.
I’ve spent the last two months looking for another part-time job, one where I can start to use my writing skills and feel like I’m using my brain again (not that cocktail waitressing doesn’t use your brain, you just use it in a different way). That hasn’t born any fruit yet and it’s been so long since I was looking for a job that I don’t know if this is a long period of job searching or if this is just the start of something that could go on much, much longer.
So, at this point, 2 days after my 32nd birthday, I guess I’m questioning things. Was I right to quit my job? Will I ever find something? Will I live the boozy life of a cocktail waitress forever-more? Not such a bad thing, really. Basically, have I made the right choices in life? Do I have the skills/talent/drive/knowledge/insert whatever you think here to do what I want to do and get to where I want to be?
I honestly don’t know. I don’t have many answers. What I do know is that I wasn’t happy in my old job. And knowing that makes me believe that stepping away from it was a step in the right direction. And while I may feel like I’m in limbo now, if I keep pushing, surely the clouds will part and I’ll find myself somewhere, if not exactly where I want to be, at least a little bit closer. And then I just have to keep going.
Right? Right. I’m going with that.