Yesterday, I found out that I didn’t get the job I was waiting on a call back for since last week (here’s the post where it all started). Not going to lie, I was pretty upset. I have a tendency to get a bit ahead of myself sometimes, to start imagining how things might be when I definitely don’t have any real reason to get that far ahead in my planning. So yes, there was some moping, I have to admit. There may even have been some tears, a contentious accusation I will neither confirm nor deny (ok, there were dammit).
Of course, then came the self doubt. Was I right in leaving a stable job where I was well respected? Am I doing the right thing? Will I be job hunting forever and a day? Cue the world’s smallest violin and you have a pity party setting fit to rival most. *sigh* Sometimes I wish I was like the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz who didn’t have a brain. Besides motor function and general survival, having a brain is hard work. It overthinks everything and general makes things so much harder.
Or is it courage I need? Am I the Cowardly Lion who needs to just grow some balls and get the fuck on with it? So I didn’t get the one job I have interviewed for so far? Boo hoo, there will be others. I will find something and, even if it’s just a series of temp roles, my main focus here was always to get my degree done and to find a job that allowed for that. If I found a role in writing that also gave me experience then well done! This job that I didn’t get wasn’t even one of those unicorn jobs so why so upset?
What I have to do here is keep reminding myself that I’m doing this for a reason. Change is hard and there’s always the prospect of failure but you have to at least try. Surely the chance of flying is worth a few stumbles along the way?
(It will get less serious, I promise.)