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I don’t know what’s going on with me at the moment. I’ve been back at the gym for exactly two days and I am STARVING. Today’s class was only the laziest form of yoga as well (all floor positions) so it’s not like I’m burning calories like a motherfucker. Yet I’m eating four meals a day and snacking and just generally ravenous on a fairly constant basis. I’m trying to at least eat healthy but what the fuck? What gives? I’m not going to get all toned and ripped eating up all my burnt calories.

I’ve been known to experience some pretty wicked hangriness as well so I can’t very well not eat when the urge strikes me. Don’t feed me when I’m hungry and prepare to meet your maker. I have vowed to never break bread with someone ever again after they were late to dinner. Once I was fed, I calmed down and retracted my statement but, at the time, I was deadly serious. When really hungry, I’ll sometimes contemplate how tasty my own arm would be. Things get desperate over here and I’m incredibly unpleasant to be around if left unfed.

Maybe my metabolism is just speeding up because I’m finally getting off my ass and doing stuff. After last week’s endless computer screen time, my body is probably shocked that I can still walk, let alone attend a tabata class and live to tell the tale. That being said, I’m quite sore so clearly I haven’t gotten off scot free on that count. I thought yoga might help but I’m not convinced we worked the right muscles and tomorrow I’m planning on doing an intense warrior class that will no doubt leave me to face the weekend in great pain. Yay! Yay for exercise.

I feel like maybe I should have lived in the 50s when untoned female bodies were more appreciated. That’s the type of audience I could happily cater to. Fuck this fitspo shit or whatever it’s called. Can’t we all just lay on the couch and eat eclairs?