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So, I went for a second interview today. I always hate being asked the question “How do you think it went?”. Partly because I am never really sure (who knows what anyone’s thinking behind the smiles and polite chit chat) and also because I’m worried it will jinx me (see this post about my irrational fears and superstitions).

I’m trying not to get all freaked out and jittery about it all but it’s hard. I won’t know until the end of the week and that’s plenty of time to work myself into a stressed out frenzy. I know I can’t do anything about it, it’s out of my hands now, but that doesn’t really help with what’s going on inside my head. I have a tendency to overthink things, to worry about how I could have said something better or if I should’ve asked more questions or been more upfront about my flexibility or desire for the role.

It’s like the second the lift doors close, your mind kicks into overdrive tearing the last hour apart. But you should have… oh you could have… maybe if you’d. Shut up, brain! Where were you forty minutes ago when they threw me that curveball question or when there was that dead silence when everybody laughed nervously and said “yeah” at the same time? Goddamn you, Judas brain. Always at the end you come with the negatives and drag me down. Note: these are imaginary scenarios, none of them actually happened in my last interview, thank god.

Ah well, enough of that. If I don’t get this job, there’ll be another. I have applied for other things that I would be equally happy to do. If I don’t get this job, I’ll at least have another practice interview under my belt. I’ll be even better prepared for my next one. I’m getting quite good at responding to these job-related questions now, or at least it feels that way. I definitely feel less nervous and more articulate, which has to be a good thing in these types of situations.

You’re right, Maya Angelou (if you even said this). What little control I had over whether I get this job is gone, all I can do now is accept the outcome. Yes or no, life will roll on and eventually I will have a second job and I can put all this damn job search shit behind me. Cannot. Fucking. Wait.

Image credit: Jules Elise | Pinterest