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June will take me into my sixth month looking for a second part time job. To be totally honest, I never thought it would take this long. And yes, I have changed my criteria, what I’m looking, for a few times now so I suppose that’s a factor in this whole massively extended mission but, gosh, it’s still disheartening.

At least with what I’m looking for now, I’m able to find many more jobs to apply for and I get more call backs. I’m playing to my strengths, to what my resume can show experience for. I know that’s a step in the right direction, at least while I complete my studies. Things are much better now that I can actually find jobs to apply for where I know my resume ticks all the boxes. But still, my pride is hurt.

The hardest thing is that I’ve come close on a few jobs and, while I know I shouldn’t get attached to them, I still do. I’m one of those imaginative people that starts thinking about their future life and then I’m devastated when it falls though. I can’t help it, it’s just my personality. I get very invested in things way too soon in the game for it to be safe.

My partner recently had something similar happen to him. He got knocked back for something he really wanted (not a job, but similarly life-changing) and so we were both feeling grim and down on ourselves. Not that I was glad that it happened to him, but we were both able to comfort each other, to tell one another that what we’re looking for is still out there, we just haven’t found it yet.

And I do believe that. I know that he will find what he’s looking for. He’s that driven and dedicated to his dream. For me, I’m not as certain but I do believe it’s just a matter of time until I find a job that’s the right fit. I know I can do what I’m applying for, I just have to convince them of that. And I have to stay strong in the meantime, not get too down on myself. My job is out there somewhere. Fuck, I just hope I find it soon.