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Baby, why can’t you sleep? Why can’t you sleep, darlin’?
I want to ask but that would defeat the purpose of him trying to sleep. He’s tossed and turned each night for months now. I watch him struggle to find peace in his own bed, his own head. I wonder what plagues him. My mind jumps to the worst conclusions, making it about me.
In the mornings his eyes are puffy and ringed with black. He drags himself out of bed and through each day, only to crawl back into bed exhausted… And awake. Undeniably awake. His sighs punctuate each turn, never a full stop, always a semi colon or an ellipsis. Never the end, just the beginning of another cycle of doze and start awake.
It dawns on me that I’m living this with him. As long as he’s been sleepless so have I. His insomnia has infected me and, if I look in the mirror, I’ll see the same pale face and dark ringed eyes.
We went on a long drive over the weekend and Darlin’ by Houndmouth came on via Pandora. I’d never heard it before but the chorus has lyrics that go “Darlin’ darlin’ darlin’, why don’t you sleep at night?” and somehow it inspired the above.