So today I did the thinkable. I talked myself into going to the gym. This never happens! Usually I wake up, reconsider the previous day’s ambitiousness and reach for the snooze button. All this actually happened this morning but then I lay awake in bed, unable to get back to sleep and thought, ‘Fuck it! Get up and go to the gym, you know you’re not going to go after work.” And so it is that I’ve now been to the gym twice this week. I would demand a medal but we all know I don’t really deserve one (yet).
Talking about talking yourself into something, my life is actually filled with this although talking myself out or down from things is the more common occurrence. I have a tendency to take things very personally and to feel slighted at the drop of a hat. I’m aware that I’ve written about this on numerous occasions but, in this case, I’m going to try and commit to doing something about it. Rarely does the person I’m upset with mean to offend me, it’s just me being an idiot. So, in the spirit of self-improvement, I’m going to try and be more rational about these things, to consider whether someone meant to hurt my feelings and respond appriately.
Another thing I want to work on is my tendency to crack it at friends who never contact me to do anything. I’m a planner so I’m always thinking of things to do and trying to organise catch ups. Very few of my friends do this. Every now and again, I’ll swear off someone because I never hear from them unless I message them. Jared keeps telling me not to take it personally. “It doesn’t mean they’re not your friends, they’re just not planners like you. They’re busy,” he’ll say. Ever the sassy one with a quick retort, I respond with a “So am I!” Well, what does he expect being so logical when I’m upset?
But I think it might be time to acknowledge not everyone’s like me. Some people go with the flow and see people when they see them and that works for them. They wouldn’t organise something themselves but they’re grateful when I organise something. They wouldn’t have thought of it because they just let life happen as it will, which wouldn’t work for me.
So. This is me accepting my role as a planner. My life is better for it. I’m happier. I get to see my friends, even if it does irk me that I do all the contacting and organising. But I need to get over it. It’s my problem, not theirs, and they’re not going to magically become planners overnight. That shit is with you from birth. Actually, I need to qualify this by saying not all of my friends are like this. Some make contact, some organise but the majority do not. I think that’s a fair summary.
And that’s it. Hopefully these small changes will reduce the needless anger I feel towards people I actually like. You can’t get angry at the sky because it’s blue, that’s never going to change. I need to appreciate my friends for what makes them my friends and not expect them to magically become me. And who wants to be friends with a whole bunch of people just like themselves anyway?! Boring!
Image credit: Picture Quotes