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I never want to leave this place. Ever. Our room is like our own private hideaway from the world and we only have to leave when we want to be fed. Or get more wine. When they heard Jared had a rum bar, they brought us a bottle of this epic French Caribbean rum and Jared made us mojitos with fresh mint from the herb garden, which we drank on our daybed by our private plunge pool. My god. It’s a ridiculous life.

This place is set on ten acres and surrounded by national park. This morning I sat on the balcony drinking tea with only the birds and the sweet smell of the eucalypts for company (and Jared, of course). We saw a goanna (about 3 feet/1m long) in one of the trees at lunch. It was sunning itself in the branches, no doubt looking for some poor bird’s eggs. A fact some nearby lorikeets were well aware of. They caused quite a ruckus until he moved away – most likely to track down their eggs now he knew where they lived. Silly lorikeets. I never knew goannas could climb that well, which is actually pretty terrifying. There goes my plan to escape one by scaling a tree. Sneaky fucker would’ve got me in seconds.

We’ve done exactly nothing today. Writing this post has been the most taxing thing I’ve done all day. Aside from this, I’ve

  • Drunk wine
  • Drunk mojitos
  • Laid in the sun
  • Swam
  • Eaten breakfast, lunch and chocolate cake
  • Talked to a few people
  • Read my book
  • Listened to music
  • Drank tea.

Annnnnnnnnd that’s about it. It’s been so action packed that I’m about due for a nap. Oh wait, I forgot to tell you that our bed has a built in massager so it VIBRATES! It’s like I’m in a seedy, low-rent motel, except it’s actually really expensive and not seedy at all. In my mind, I’m seeing the scene in the movie adaptation of Lolita with Dominique Swain and Jeremy Irons where Humbert Humbert takes Lolita to motel and it has a bed that vibrates if you put a coin in. Anyways, enough of that. I’m off to roll around on my king size vibrating bed.

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