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I’ve started to notice my penchant for second guessing myself. This wedding has brought it out in me. I swear, for every big decision I make, as it gets closer to the day of reckoning, I get more and more convinced I’ve made a terrible mistake. It happened with my ring, my yellow wedding dress, the venue, hell, sometimes I even wonder if I should be getting married at all. I mean, we’ve been together ten years. Do we really need a wedding? Stop it! Yes, yes, we do. Come on, it’ll be fun. Don’t get me wrong, these concerns aren’t manifesting themselves in Bridezilla meltdowns. They’re more of a private ‘what if I’ve made the wrong decision and it’s awful?’ kind of thing. Which I know is mostly ridiculous.

So far, all of my concerns have been totally unfounded. My ring is beautiful and I love it more every day I wear it. My wedding dress fittings are coming along well and my concerns are no doubt the usual worries any woman would have when her dress is being handmade specifically for her and takes months to realise its full glory. Of course it’s not going to be perfect the first time you try it on. That’s why they have 5+ fittings – to get it right! The venue is amazing and my concerns are only silly things like ‘maybe it would’ve been easier to hold this wedding in the state I live in’ or ‘dammit Pinterest has nearly convinced me I want a rustic/bohemian/hipster cowgirl wedding after all’. See? Nothing to take seriously.

Perhaps organising this type of event has just kicked my overthinking nature into overdrive. I mean, I do this all of the time and definitely before I got engaged. I just never had such big decisions to make in the usual course of my existence so of course I’m going to be extra nervous when the fruition of all my planning is just around the corner. I’m still me after all. I’m still the person that obsesses over the details and get worked up over nothing. That’s not going to change. In fact, of course it’s going to get worse when you’re planning a fucking wedding. I mean, jeez Nat, cut yourself some slack.

*Sigh* Good chat, guys. Glad we talked that one through. 😉

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