I haven’t quite been myself this study period. Usually I’m super on the ball with all my uni work and am on tenterhooks waiting for my grades to come out. Not so this time. I’m still getting everything done, just not with my usual focus and sense of purpose. I actually forgot about my grades for my last two assignments. Totally forgot. Only realised when they posted an announcement on our discussion board. I still did well but it’s very unlike me not to be craving that information at least a few days beforehand.
For some reason, I don’t feel compelled to take this subject seriously, which maybe has something to do with how light the workload feels. It’s either surprisingly manageable or I’m missing something and it’s going to bite me on the ass very soon. I haven’t started my major assignment either. It’s the end of week 9 and it’s not due til week 13 and, although I know what I’m going to write about, I haven’t done a thing about it yet. I think I might have written an opening sentence a few weeks ago when I first came up with the idea but since then it’s been literary tumbleweeds and crickets.
This kind of cavalier approach to education isn’t going to cut it when I level up to full time study at the end of August. I definitely won’t have time to skip through life promising myself ‘I’ll do it later’. I’m actually a little worried. Of course, I can cut my subjects back at any time but I don’t wanna. I want to be able bang this shit out in a year and never look back but I’m afraid my current love for instant gratification and ‘live for today, deal with that shit tomorrow’ mantra will make things particularly tough for me (on top of the whole ‘full time study, zero time fun’ thing).
Even now, I have three readings to read, two lectures to watch and a blog comment to write but, instead, I’m here writing about how I’m not focused on my uni work. Ahhh can you smell the irony? It should be seeping through your screen right… about… now. Smells like regret. And you know what? It’s Saturday! I never leave my uni work this late unless it’s putting the finishing touches on an assignment. My weekends are sacred. I usually spend all day Friday getting this shit done.
In my defence, I have been sick but even I’m not willing to lie through my teeth and tell you I was too sick to do a bit of reading, listening and 200 words of writing yesterday. I wasn’t. I actually got halfway through one of my readings and gave up. Couldn’t focus. Got bored. Watched stand up comedian Ali Wong’s Baby Cobra on Netflix (hilarious – she may just be my Asian mental doppelganger, in some areas) and then something else I can’t even remember oh yes, I watched a few episodes of the American remake of the French series, The Returned. Time well spent, guys. Time well spent.
I suppose the sensible thing to do would be to stop writing about how bad it is for me to be slacking off on my uni work and actually go and do my uni work. Fuck, I hate being my own voice of reason. It really sucks, you know? I much more enjoy the role of being my own voice of temptation. Suits me much better. I play that role with relish.