I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. You know the deal (or maybe you don’t and you’re one of those people that can sleep anywhere, anytime and for as long as needed, in which case, fuck you) but anyway yes, broken sleep, waking up super early (like still-dark early) then can’t get back to sleep.
I’d previously chalked it up to there now being three of us in our bed (“us” being myself, Jared and our new girlfriend of just over two months, Cherish; we’re in a polyamorous relationship) but she slept at home last night. And while I slept solidly for a few hours (from about 11pm or a bit earlier), I woke up when Jared came home just before 3am and then had a series of nightmares after that.
The first one woke me up crying (it was about my dog that recently died) and the other one was your garden variety, brain-doing-a-number-on-you type of nightmare and after that I was like right, that’s enough of that! I got up, got some water and walked around for a bit. I find if I go back to sleep too soon, I just go back into the same bad dream or something like it. But then I couldn’t get back to sleep and when I checked the time – lo and behold – it’s just before 5am. It’s like the fucking witching hour for me or something. The last few nights I’ve woken up and haven’t been able to get back to sleep, I’ve woken up exactly around the same time and then I lay there getting furiouser and furiouser about my lot in life and my inability to get a decent sleep.
So I’m currently writing this from the couch at 5.36am after finally deciding to get out of bed and give up on trying to kid myself that I’ll be able to fall back asleep. Once the sun actually comes up (yep, it’s still dark outside), I might go for a walk. In the meantime, I have my book so I’ll probably read. Ah, that reminds me of another thing I was going to write about. Well, at least on the plus side, it’s giving me ideas for writing and a quiet space to do it in. Yeah thanks, insomnia/my asshole brain. Give me my creativity back but trade it for some very fucked up sleep. I don’t believe I ever signed on to this deal.
I’m going to be in a great mood today, aren’t I?