I get upset sometimes because I feel like people don’t know me or don’t make the effort to know me. But really, if I want them to know me, don’t I need to be willing to reveal myself instead of waiting for them to ask whatever magic questions I’m waiting for?
But I’m not a share-r by nature. Of myself, I mean. Or emotionally, anyways. Gosh, that needed a lot of clarification. I like to keep my feelings to myself. My vulnerabilities and frustrations are my own. Why do others need to know these things, I figure? But then again, isn’t that how people get to know you?
And yet, to quote Bret Easton Ellis in Rules of Attraction, can we ever really know anyone? I don’t think so. Maybe there are a few people that exist as open books but surely the majority of us keep something to ourselves. No matter how small, we all need something that’s truly our own. That one kernel of truth that we share with no one and tell ourselves this is what defines us, what made us, what shames us. Whatever it is, it has power over us.
So in the long run, maybe it’s better to be free with ourselves. I don’t know if that’s possible for someone like me but it’s certainly something I can ponder from time to time and make grand sweeping statements and high-minded observations. It’s my blog, I do what I want!
Fact: I did not go to the gym this morning. It was cold so I rolled over and stayed in bed (note to self: it’s winter – things aren’t getting any better for a while yet). Tomorrow I have to go as I have a session with my trainer. I never dodge these sessions at the last minute as that means I still have to pay. If I didn’t, I’m pretty sure I would bail more often. I can’t decide if it’s a win or a lose right now.