Tags
adopt dont shop, adoptdontshop, anxiety, commitment, love, pets, rescue dog, terrier
Eight months. God, it feels longer. Or does it? I’m not sure really. I guess it depends on the day but I do know he’s a different dog from when I first got him way back in December. Yeah, yeah, he’s still a nervous little guy but, for the most part, he’s a sweetheart and I did that. Me.
I spent time with him, fed him, walked him, was patient with him when he was scared, corrected him when he was naughty, loved him. I tried my best to give him the consistency he needed to feel safe and now he’s so much better. He’s still a fucking weirdo but he’s my weirdo and I can deal with weird. So long as weird doesn’t fucking bite me, we’re good.
In all honesty, there were so many times when I thought I’d made a terrible mistake. I thought about giving him back to the rescue. I didn’t think I could deal with his snapping and growling, with his constant anxiety. I thought I wanted an easier dog, a dog more like Oscar and Ami. More easy going, more people friendly, less barky, less skittish. I’m ashamed to admit how many times I felt like giving up on him, that I wished something would happen to him so I wouldn’t have to give up on him. How bad is that? It’s fucked, I know. But it’s hard dealing with a difficult dog.
Anyway, the main thing is that I didn’t give him up. No matter how bad he is – short of mauling someone or another animal – I couldn’t do that to him. I made a commitment to him and I can see how far he’s come already so I know that I’m making a difference. When I went to the shelters, I saw so many dogs that had been abandoned for whatever reason and I couldn’t be that person. Even if I know he’s going back to the rescue and not to a pound, I would still be abandoning him and I couldn’t live with myself if I did that.
Plus, he’s come out out of his shell so much these last few months and he’s such a funny little dude. Things he does that make me happy:
- When he rolls around making all kinds of noises when he wants pats or is itchy – growls, yowls, sneezes, snorts and just general indistinguishable dog sounds (something our pug and Frenchie couldn’t really do because it was enough for them just to breathe)
- The little happy dance he does when it’s breakfast time
- The way he scurries for the door when it’s walk time but then hesitates to step through the doorway in case the cat is waiting to ambush him
- How fucking AMPED he is to be on a walk
- How he’ll sometimes put his head on my lap or lean back and lift his front paw up when he wants a pat
- How he loves finding interesting surfaces to rub his face on – rugs, his furry bed, anything with a rough texture and he’s face down, butt up, rolling all around
- How when we’re at the park, he’ll always look back to check I’m still there if he’s wandered off to sniff a dog or something
- And then this (he loves getting into the cushions, he reminds me so much of pug when he’s like this):
How could I give up on this? Yeah, he’s maybe not the easygoing dog I wanted but maybe he’s the hard work, not-gonna-make-it-easy-for-you dog I needed. Because I do feel good when I see how far he’s come. And I do feel good when I’m able to do things with him that he would growl or snap at me for before. He made me work for his trust and his love and so now, when he’s laying next to me on the couch and I feel like I have that love, I know I’ve earnt it. And he doesn’t give it up easy, fucking trust me.